Is There Sex Life After 50? (And Is It Any Good?)

December 10, 2014
Is There Sex Life After 50? (And Is It Any Good?)

Sex is important to our emotional, physical and even spiritual well being. But society would have us believe that once we start aging, sex is no longer for us. This is simply not true! What is true is that a sex life after 50 does not really resemble sex before 30, but it is often so much better. To discover the possibilities, you first have to address common hang-ups that can hold you back.

What about all the sags and bulges?

Article after article celebrates women of all sizes and ages loving their bodies, but it’s much easier said than done. Instead, a more realistic goal is to ignore the sags and bags if embracing them is not easily achievable. Turn the lights off and use candles – which makes everyone look better and adds a sense of romance that sex after 50 often needs. Wear something sexy to hide what you notice the most. And, most importantly, realize that once you get started neither of you will care about the sags any more.

Nothing is as “firm” as it used to be.

As a man ages, he might notice that his erection is not as firm as it used to be, or it may lessen partway through sexual activity, only to regain its firmness close to orgasm. However, this does not mean that intercourse is impossible in later years. It does mean that more physical stimulation is needed, as well as more mental stimulation and anxiety reduction. Many times impotence is linked not to a physical reason, but to anxiety and stress in the man’s life. Relaxation is important to a healthy sex life after 50, and what leaves you more relaxed than good sex?

Sex is not just about intercourse, and as couples age this becomes more important than ever. Open communication with your partner is one of the best mental stimulants there are: wordplay, sharing of desires and fantasies and talking about what feels best today, in this moment. Tomorrow something else may feel good, but that is tomorrow. Talk about what is good today.

Menopause has made sex painful.

As a woman ages, her hormone levels decrease and that sometimes leads to vaginal dryness and painful intercourse. Just like men can experience a decrease in “firmness,” vaginal atrophy can cause thinning of vaginal tissues. Doctors may prescribe hormonal creams or pills that help with pain. Of course, including a lubricant during sex can add a new dimension to your sex at any age, sparking new ways to enjoy each other.

I have new medical concerns. How do I tell my doctor that sex is still important to me?

Sometimes doctors are so interested in treating specific medical concerns that they forget about the sexual needs of their patients. If you have been prescribed something with a sexual side effect, let the doctor know that you want to explore a different option. Talking with your doctor about your sexual needs can help you find new ways of coping with medical problems.

We’ve been together years and have simply fallen out of the habit.

It’s easy during the years in a long-lasting relationship to fall into bad habits. Especially when raising children, it’s difficult to think about or make time for sex. Over 50 is actually the perfect time to form new, positive habits and to remember why physical intimacy is important. Sex life after 50 includes all the senses, romance, emotional intimacy and is often more sensual than ever before. Why not begin foreplay in the afternoon with a suggestive comment or text about wanting to spend time together? Romance is wonderful at any age and any stage in a relationship, and the rewards of intimacy are well worth the effort of establishing new habits.

Couples are discovering every day that there can absolutely be sex after 50 and it can actually be just as good as or even better than before! Once you find ways to effectively communicate and rise above or work around your hang-ups, you can rekindle all of the passion and even more!

Dr. Lisa Powell is a solution focused marriage and family therapist. She enjoys working with couples to help them communicate better and reduce conflicts. Dr. Powell believes in the power of communication to rediscover hope. She currently practices in north Texas, sometimes with the help of her therapy dog Luke.

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