Sex and My Marriage

September 10, 2014
Sex and My Marriage

The newlywed years might have been decades ago, but if you think back you can recall the excitement of sex when you and your spouse were young and intimacy was an adventure. If you have been married for a while, your love might be just as strong, but in most marriages sex loses some of its luster after a while. Replens talked to Allison, a mother of four who has been married for 26 years, about the changing nature of sex within her marriage.

Replens: How has sex strengthened your marriage over the years?

Allison: Sex in marriage is profoundly meaningful, even if there are times for every couple when you seem to be going through the motion. For us, it has been true that as we are one physically, we are more unified emotionally as well, and we are able to come together with more solidarity in parenting, financial decisions and other daily issues that arise.

Replens: Is it accurate to say that sexual fulfillment has gradually decreased throughout your marriage?

Allison: Actually, the amount of sex we have had and our enjoyment in the bedroom has ebbed and flowed through the years. Occasionally, even in our ‘40s, we have hit a period where the romance seems to heat up and we both want to have sex more. But as life marches on and our bodies change, those ‘peaks’ in our sexual life together seem to come less often.

Replens: What are some of the factors that have stood in the way of true sexual enjoyment at times in your marriage?

Allison: Number one is certainly the demands of our children. Now more than ever, with three teenagers in the house, it’s nearly impossible to stay up later than they do to even grab some quiet time. We have learned to hide behind locked doors or even take advantage of lunchtimes while the kids are at school. And even when the kids aren’t making demands of our time, the volume of our jobs and our family stresses often takes all of the energy that we would like to devote to intimacy. Often one of us just collapses on the couch and hope the next night will be different.

Replens: What about the physical changes you referred to?

Allison: My husband is starting to experience some changes in his ability to perform sexually the way he wants to, but the more significant issue, for us, is vaginal dryness due to my approaching menopause. When sex is painful and we’re exhausted from the day’s mayhem, it can be even more difficult to make time for it. Thankfully, products like Replens have helped me address that problem, and make sex enjoyable again.

Replens: Have there been times when devoting energy to maintaining sexual intimacy in a marriage just seems too difficult?

Allison: Certainly, I think everyone has nights when they wonder if it’s worth the effort. But the truth for us, born out over more than a quarter of a century of happy marriage, is that sex is a vital part of keeping a marriage healthy, and it is one of the most enjoyable ways a husband and wife can strengthen their bond as they aim for many more years together. As we clear the obstacles to enjoy each other sexually, it helps to remind us why we chose each other in the first place.

How has sex affected your marriage? For some it has profound effects, for others it seems to be less important.

Vibrant Voice Ambassador at Replens
The Vibrant Voice Ambassador’s mission is to collect interesting stories and useful articles that are relevant for mature women.  Our goal is to help you maintain an active lifestyle - to Fifty and Beyond!
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